My mum First Relapse - Year 2006

Thinking back.... on that year where my mum has her first recurrence.... its about 4 year plus since the first diagnosis... she was complaining to me why the lower part of her right breast feels hard... she even let me feel it... we brushed it off thinking its becos of the radiation she did years back... cos she told me ever since the radiation therapy her breast no longer feels like last time... its darker in colour and feels harder... so I didnt think much of it... esp when the last mammogram shows nothing....

But my mum is still not comfortable... so she requested for ultrasound.... and she also did CT scan as she feels some uncomfortable over at her tummy there....

I remembered the day when my mum got to know she suffered from relapse... she went to TTSH alone to see Dr Patrick Chan in the morning... I was sleeping when I received my mum's call... the moment when my phone rings.. I know its bad news...cos my mum will never call me early in the morning for unimportant matters as she know I will still be sleeping at that time..... I can still recall her word.... "gal ah... dr says its not good.... my cancer came back...." My whole body turn cold.... I quickly bathed and rushed down to hospital to see the dr again...

When I reached hosp.... I saw my mum sitting on the chair crying... this is the first time I see my mum cry in her cancer journey.... she did not cry when she first learnt she has breast cancer in year 2001... she told me she was scared... we are too...

Dr says the scan shows a tumour on the bottom of the breast... very most likely its cancerous... will need to do mastectomy this time round.... but the position of the new tumour is not at the same area from the last op wound...meaning it could be of a new cancer rather than a recurrence.... it will be better if it is a new tumour... so in the next few days the op was scheduled...

After my mum woke up from the op... she looks ok... except for the vomiting which is normal for my mum as she always vomits after waking up from op... Its a day surgery...meaning she only stayed for one night and was discharged the next day... I still remembered she walks very very slowly... keep saying the wound area was very pain... and finally she is back home... she sits on a chair instead of the sofa as the sofa was too low and soft for her wound... i played her hong kong serial dvd and bring her a bowl of fish porridge.....

She says she wanted to go to the toilet.... this is where the scary part comes in........while she is trying to get up from the chair... she suddenly turns pale... saying its very pain... and after a while... she is not responding to my calls... her whole face turns white... at that moment.... I thought I lost her.... I was trembling.... and crying.... at the same time finding medicated oil to apply on my mum forehead....... I heard my dad calling out to my mum... but my mum did not respond... as if she has passed out..... so I called 995... and it took them quite some time to reach.... by the time the medics arrive... my mum was better.... but went to hospital anyway.... No one can imagine the kind of situation I was in at that exact moment.... my mum was leaning on my body... her whole face was white with cold sweats... eyes closed and not responding to our calls.... I really thought my mum passed away right in my arms..... I felt so afraid... its really scary.... I really do not want to experience that ever ever again...

Dr told us the tumour was quite big... and quite deep into the chestwall... so on top of the mastectomy... he removed some mussels also... that explains the great pain.... but the bad news was that he tried his best to take away as much as he could.... meaning the mussels was already affected...

I was angry.... why did they find out that late.... from all the dr visits and xrays... and my mum qns on why the area felt hard.... dr did not discover the tumour early..... what follow was chemo..... 6 cycles....... Again we thought dr get it all.....like last time.... everything will be back to normal again.....mum is cured.....

However.... the story did not end there.... my mum found some red nodules on the area where the wound is.... when she hears the Dr says better to get it checked... it might be cancerous... the world came tumbling down once again.... that is only less than half a year after the chemo treatment.... I shall share more in my next entry...